My Mom sees dead people
DISCLAIMER: There is nothing funny about dementia. This is not attempt to poke fun at anyone, especially my dear old Madre. My Mom happens to be getting funnier in her old age.
I’ve got an older buddy in Texas that takes a lighter approach to aging. While the doctors and medical folks tell him he should be watching what he eats, his cholesterol levels, and his weight, he never seems to worry too much about any of that stuff. He’s got a personal philosophy that basically says, “So my poor diet takes 5 years off my life…who cares? It is the last 5 years so what am I really going to be missing?” I hate to disagree with my elder friend, but it seems the last 5 years is when it really gets interesting.
My Mom, at 74 years of age, may be in her last 5 years. If she had her choice, she would be in her last 5 minutes. Her mind and body still work fine, they just work a little differently than they used to. My Mom has dementia so she is getting a little wacky. I definitely don’t mean that in anything but a loving way and if I could think of a better way to describe it, I would. I’ll give you some examples and maybe you have a better way to describe it:
-As she cannot care for herself any longer, my Mom now lives in a residential home which she can barely tolerate because the Filipino people that run it are “so bossy” (something about not wanting her to wander off on her own). Anyway, the residential home uses a gardener that happens to be Mexican. Every time he shows up my Mom runs out to greet him with “Are you my son Michael?” He doesn’t speak English so he just nods and smiles at her and fortunately guides her back into the house.
-This is nothing shocking as my Mom sees people only she recognizes all the time. She is very stubborn so when she sees someone she “knows,” there is no convincing her otherwise. It is also that has to be addressed or my Mom will just sit there staring at that person while nodding, smiling, and letting out the occasional giggle. This can be handled either one of two ways: 1. You can try to ignore it and hope the person isn’t annoyed to the point of violence or 2. you can explain Mom’s condition and that she thinks they are _______ (and then pray they are a good sport). My wife and I opted for the latter last time she “saw” her sister Dee while we were out to lunch. What was a little different about this particular time is that the lady actually slightly resembled who my Mom thought she was (they were both caucasian women in their 60′s). My wife politely walked over and asked the woman her name and then explained to my Mom that it wasn’t her sister Dee as that woman’s name was Traci. My Mom immediately looked at my oldest daughter whose Mom is also named Traci and started nodding vigorously which only meant that she was now convinced that the 60 year old that only a minute ago was her sister Dee was now my daughter’s thirty-something year old mom. It’s not just limited to age either, as when my Mom met a Tracey I work with, she immediately started nodding and smiling before asking, “Are you….” I had to cut her off before she finished the question so I didn’t have to explain to this Asian processor that my Mom thought she gave birth to my blonde daughter.
-Okay, I didn’t exactly fib with the title, but most of the people my Mom sees are alive (“My Mom sees alive people” wasn’t quite as catchy). The only dead people she sees is my Dad. She doesn’t actually see my Dad, she just sees random people that “resemble” my Dad. Here is a conversation we had a few months ago:
Mom-”Doesn’t he look like someone?”
Me- “Ummmm…nobody comes to mind Mom. Who are you thinking of?”
Mom- “Your Father.”
Me- “Mom, he is black.”
Mom- Lots of nods and smiles
-Another thing that I can only describe as a little wacky is how with having 8 kids, she can stay so completely neutral as to who her favorite is. Yeah right! My Mom seems impartial as she actually calls all of her kids several times a day. However, when she gets ahold of one of us within a minute into the conversation we’ll be saying, “No Mom, I don’t know what Paul is doing.” Yes, her second son is definitely number one in her heart (I’m not exactly sure why, but my nephew is somehow second over her own kids). Anyway, my brother Paul is definitely her favorite and it is almost a little creepy. She “laminated” a photo of him (put it in a plastic baggy) and will just sit there and stare at it and giggle. My kids will be sitting contently watching Sponge Bob or something and Grandma will interrupt their television coma with, “Do you want to see a picture of your Uncle Paul?” If looks could kill, my 5 year old would be arrested for murder.
-Another strange thing about my Mom is that her religious convictions are changing. She is still very Catholic, she just adds her own little twists. My daughter and I now refer to a Tommy’s chili-burger as a Jesus burger because one time after my daughter ordered one on a Friday, my Mom asked her, “Don’t you love Jesus?” Usually though it isn’t meat products that concern my Mom, it is modesty or lack thereof. If a woman is showing more skin than my Mom finds appropriate, she’ll just look at them and shake her head…and keep looking at them and keep shaking her head. This means unless that woman immediately puts on a turtle-neck sweater, she is going to hell. It doesn’t matter if that woman is in a swimming pool wearing a one piece bathing suit, she’ll get the look and then the head shake and though she may not know it, she has thirty seconds tops to change her eternity.
-To say my Mom giggles a lot, is an understatement. She constantly giggles. It doesn’t always sit so well in stressful situations. You could tell her that your dog just died and she would giggle. She doesn’t mean anything by it but people can definitely take it wrong. Again, I only have to look at my five year old to illustrate this. She took a spill on her scooter and ran in crying. She cried, Grandma giggled. She cried louder, Grandma giggled louder. This went on for about a minute, before she yelled at the top of her lungs, “It’s NOT funny!” Grandma giggled.
The good news is that it is just dementia at this point. Unfortunately, it will probably progress into Alzheimer’s disease. We have had her tested a few times, and she passes with flying colors each time. Somehow, my Mom becomes as sharp as a tack when a doctor is testing her for Alzheimer’s. One thing that the doctor told us to watch for as a sign of Alzheimer’s was bouts of anger. Anger??? My Mom? Never. But apparently, it is now almost a sign that the dementia has progressed to full blown Alzheimer’s. I hope and pray that this never happens. My kids unfortunately never knew Grandma when she had all of her mental faculties about her, but at least right now all they know is that Grandma loves them, loves God, and sure does laugh a lot. I can deal with that.
