Fat Tom’s Farewell Tour
So long suckers! Adios, goodbye, Elvis has left the building, the cream is out of the twinkie, the jelly is out of the donut, and this blog is no more. Before you cheer and start writing Obama to thank him for this” Change,” I should probably let you know that is how my last post was going to read. Unfortunately for you, I decided this won’t be my last post. But, I’ve got to admit, it was a close call.
I guess I owe you an explanation. I basically came full circle. I remember my first comment that I ever got on this blog. It was something really exciting like, “xxxyddeszaefxxx.” Wow! I thought, “Someone actually reads this thing.” Even if you included my wedding day or the birth of my four daughters, that was by far the most exciting day of my life. I didn’t come down from my blog high until I got about my 12th message like that, and I finally realized that it probably wasn’t a higher life form from ET’s planet trying to communicate with me, it was spam.
Now I got comments on my blog on a daily basis. In fact, even though I haven’t posted anything in 9 months, I get several comments a day. The comments aren’t from the aliens anymore, now they all seem to be from John Holmes relatives. They are usually very insightful and extremely helpful. For example, I could compare my Mom to the Easter Bunny and I would get a comment that says, “This is particularly helpful as I have not considered this viewpoint.” Not really a big deal, but then it will alway have a website attached along the lines of www.only4hourerectionsareforsissys.com or www.tolastlongerthanstingbuymycrap.com. So it isn’t that I doubt the validity, but these daily spam comments were beginning to give me an inferiority complex. Actually, I should be thanking them as they finally spurned me on to adjusting my settings so my comments now automatically go to my trash instead of my in-box.
So that was just about enough to make me want to be done with this blog forever, but there was more. There was some guilt and some apologies that should have been said. Like any man though, I’d like to somehow just blame my wife. Unfortunately, she had nothing to do with them and in fact, most of the apologies should be directed to her. However, I am not man enough to admit any wrong-doing to her, so I’ll apologize to whole groups that I don’t really know: Muslims.
I think just about everything written here about Muslims is incorrect. Actually, everything is accurate, but accurate for a very, very small group of the radical Muslims. In fact, I wouldn’t even consider them true Muslims just like I wouldn’t consider KKK members true Christians. I’ve been guilty of taking the worst of them and comparing them to the best of “us.” That isn’t fair to them and it isn’t accurate, so I apologize.
A little closer to home, for the past six months or so, I thought my now 8 year old might have Asperger’s Syndrome. Talk about guilt! The more I researched it and found out that Asperger’s is on the “Autism Spectrum,” the more guilty I felt. I mean, let’s be honest, she has provided half the humor on this thing. After finally getting in with a doctor for a complete assessment, I was pleased to learn that she doesn’t have Asperger’s or any other type of autism. After the doctor told us this good news, she then informed us she also tested her IQ. Apparently, she scored it the top 1 percentile. Now that I know she is just a little nerd, I’ve got no reason to feel guilty right?
So, I don’t know that I’ll be posting as often, and I don’t know that I’ll be able to post one that is actually funny, but much like Brett Favre, Rush, Micheal Jordan, John Travolta, Betty White, and the Bumble Bee from Channel Ocho, www.BlogbyFatTom.com is out of retirement and officially back baby!
