Man with a plan!

Posted: January 13, 2014 in Weight Loss Contest (take 127)
Tags: , , ,

Today was the first weigh-in, and needless to say, I’ve never been so disgusted with myself. 217.4. Ouch. Yes, I am disgusted, but maybe not for the reason you think. It isn’t for my incredible girth and four chins. It is because I ONLY have four chins. I started last year’s weight loss contest at 225.4. I had all year to gain weight and I report in weighing eight pounds LESS than last year??? What a loser!

So in case some of you actually want to eat in 2014, I’ll spare you the before photos (for those of you that must know, just picture a cross between Chewbaca, Dolly Parton, and Fat Albert and you’ve got it!). I got the details of the first contest today and here is the pertinent info: it runs from January 13th to March 7th. $10 entry. Weekly weigh-ins. $1 penalty every week you don’t lose weight AND $1 penalty for every pound you gain. Whoever loses the biggest percentage of weight, is the winner, winner, chicken and dumplings dinner.

I’ve decided to go ahead and win this and bring home the bacon. Mmm… bacon… I even came up with an agressive goal of losing 10% or 22 lbs. If I could get down to a svelte 195 I am pretty sure I could fit in my bro again (it is a C cup). But as grandma used to always say, “shut the refrigerator door fatty!” Wait.. not that, “If you fail to plan, you really are your father’s son!” The point is, losing over 20 lbs. won’t just happen on its own. So here is my guaranteed five step plan (patent pending if you are in the contest with me):

1. Look at my before photo often. — Should lose six lbs. as a result.

2. It is better to eat frequently throughout the day to avoid eating too much. It is supposed to be small meals, but bigger has got to be better right? So I’m going to eat large meals frequently throughout the day to make sure I win the hunger games. — Will probably gain seven lbs. as a result.

3. Hit Japanese baths with fellow obese men. — Probably won’t lose weight as a result, but might make some new friends.

4. Donate blood any other bodily fluids that they’ll take. — Probably gain three pounds because of the snacks afterwards.

5. Shave my back. — Lose 26 lbs. Booyah!!!! This is going to be like taking $10 from some other diet contestants… or something like that.

Stay tuned!

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