Chronology of obesity (“I’m traveling” excuse)

Posted: January 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

5:40 Monday Morning- up and at’em! Time for what is sure to be a delightful weigh-in. 213.6??? What??? That means I gained… Let’s see… Carry the one… TWO POUNDS!!! How could that be??? I worked so hard the past 72 hours. Didn’t I??? Let’s see…


5:40 last Friday morning: stupid alarm clock went off. It must have thought it was time to workout. Didn’t it know that I was heading to LA to partayy and that it would be a late night? I obviously needed sleep more than a workout!

7:00 am: doubled up on breakfast so I would have energy for my trip. Ate too much so I packed a healthy salad to take to work with me.

10:30 am: Got a call from the wife. Youngest daughter was sick at home and my wife was expected at her office. Me and my healthy salad headed home.

11:30 am: Put salad back in the fridge and removed leftover pork chops (the extra protein would give me strength for my trip).

3:30 pm at the airport bar: me and my two buddies got a round of drinks and some nachos.

3:35 pm: another round of drinks (we did have those nachos to wash down after all).

3:36 pm: might have burned a few calories defending my decision to not tip 20% for a $70 check for a couple of drinks and some airport nachos. Waitress found this “unbelievable.”

4:20 flight took off.

4:21 discovered you could use multiple drink tickets at one time.

4:50 had peanuts and crackers

7:30 pm: attempted to go eat dinner but the restaurant was too crowded. Decided to move along little doggies.

7:35 til things got fuzzy: created an accidental pub crawl as we did our best goldilocks impressions. This place is too snooty… But we’ll have a drink. I could never eat at this smoky place… But we’ll have a drink. A chain restaurant?!?!? Well…Maybe just a drink…

SATURDAY (48 hours prior to the weigh-in)
4:45 am CA time: woke up at my usual CO time. Still fuzzzzzzzzy.

8:00 am: got my fat butt out for a run while my slacker buddies slept.

9:30 was ready to eat from all that exercise I just did.

9:35 made the recurring mistake of sharing a meal. This works with my wife as we’ll each get to try double the TYPES of food without necessarily eating more. However, try it with two male buddies and you somehow quadruple the AMOUNT of food.

9:45 came to my senses and realized that I was in a weight loss contest and I hadn’t eaten a single vegetable all weekend. Remedied the situation by getting a Bloody Mary. Phew, that was a close call!

10:15 our bellies hurt from grossly over-eating. Decided we could make it to dinner with just some light snacking.

10:16- 4:59pm: snacked

5pm: decided to eat at a Caribbean style chicken place. It smelled so good we had to try everything including the fried chicken, fried plantains, and fried rice.

6:07 arteries jammed to Bob Marley’s hit, “We be clogging.”

7:50 burned 2 calories making 107 old people jokes on Facebook while at the Eagles Concert.

8:45 had a beer to celebrate being the youngest person at the concert.

11:45pm: decided some greasy pizza was a must.

12 am- 2am – had a nightcap and more vegetables (okay they threw an olive in my martini)

9:00 am- shoved a bagel and some yogurt down my throat while taking a cab to the airport.

9:59 am- decided I needed a breakfast burrito before they weaseled out of offering the breakfast menu.

5:00 pm had some delicious lasagna at home.

6:00 had more lasagna (did I mention it was delicious?)

7:00 contemplated having even more lasagna… But remembered I had a weigh-in the next day.

7:03 pm: remembered that I DID run Saturday morning so I had some more delicious lasagna before passing out in a carb coma.

5:40 got out my calculator to figure out that somehow I actually gained 2.2 lbs. while I was traveling.

6:00 am- determined that it just HAD to be my thyroid… Some people gain weight no matter how healthy they eat!!! Did I mention that I even ran (like a sucker) on Saturday???

—final weight 213.6 for a weight gain of 2.2lbs… Which means I get to throw a couple of extra bucks in the pot this week. Moooooo!!!!!!

  1. maria strate says:

    Oh you’re killing me! I burned at least 2 calories laughing my butt off!

  2. Maria says:

    Had a crap day and had to read this again. Ahhhhhh ha haha ha! How is the plan coming along?